hey bitches i got a car whoop whoop yup its a white chevy malibu with all these gadgets that i will break soon and due to my lack of motivation to get my big ass up and go outside and the dark to take a pic of it u kids will have to wait, sorry!

Anyways friday Jesse came over and chilled with me... i enjoyed having him over we just kinda cuddled and chilled. Before that i was out and about with Ange and we had lunch at BK yeaaaaa and of course we hada get the crowns cuz its our thing that we've had since we were in HS. So yea at night Erika (yes my hoe bag of a sister that i love oh so much) and I went to go see Fever Pitch after picking her up from school and running errands before that. that movie was soooo funny and so cute i loved it!

Saturday I ran errands and went to Manda's house to show her the car and to see what her and the folks were up to. I stayed over there for a bit to see her wedding dress and look at bridesmaid dresses to see which ones she wanted us to wear. Then round 5 sumthin i was off to go pick up Kim and Farmer Jo to go to the band banquet cuz i got invited so we did that. Socialized with mucho of my old buddies who i miss oh so much, made fun of the losers like always, and just caught up on old times and left during the dance. I really do miss HS but i think i am finally over the sick feeling of wanting to be in it again. I enjoyed seeing everyone again but the dance portion just wasnt the same like it was in HS it was ya'll's time to shine, i had my 3 years of fame already lol. So yup...

Then on sunday i got a f*ing flat tire cuz i ran over a nail and didnt know it lol my bad!!! So my dad took me to work and took my car to get fixed. And that is it i think... then today work blew and i met Jesse to hang for a bit and ran errands and yea the end!

I hate when people talk about me in their LJs and I mean this goes back to the beginning of time. I figure if people have something to say to me then they should just tell me str8 up verses doing the 3rd grade write it in a journal thing. Grrrrr that just makes me oh so upset.

Anyways... I'm bored... im hoping i can get my car in a week or two. i'm tired of waiting damnit and having to put fucking gas in my moms car in which i dont fucking drive unless its to go 5mins away to get my sister and that is it cuz she wont let me drive it anywhere else. Fuck that pisses me off sooooo bad!!

• Broke up with James cuz i was so beyond fed up with how the relationship was going.
• Met this awesome guy Jesse who is a total sweetheart. Turns out he liked me and we went on a date and etc and now we are dating.
• A lot happier that I am with someone who appreciates my presence and sees me often. The girls are also glad i finally let James go and realized what was really goin on.
• Work sucks.... i hate referrals
• Caught up with Ange and Mayra to make up lost time, sorry girls that we havent talked in a while, good to hear we are all doing well with the boys.
• Got some letter from Vista saying i was a scholar student and made the honor roll.... go me?
• Working to get my f*ing car.... too bad my dad might get a diff job 3-12 across town thinking he will have my car to take to work... hahahha i think not sir.
• Today i went out with Jesse and it was beyond awesome!
• Overall things have been going well I am just happy that I met Jesse and I hope all goes well. Until next time... holla holla

The girls and I smile big for the camera.....

Me, Ana,Kaleigh and Alicia in the Kingwood locker room.

Me, Kaleigh, and Kim at Hooters.

Megan and Alicia at Hooters.

HOOTERS!!!

Kingwood gym

Saw Man of the House and Diary of a Mad Black Woman this weekend. Man of the House was funny and I really enjoyed it, and Mad Black Woman was so awesome I loved it and thought it was funny also. Too bad the critics gave bad reviews for it cuz they didnt understand it and they even admitted to it. But I do recommend seeing these two movies and if u see Mad Black Woman u'll understand it if ur black, hang out with black people or go to see it with black people. I dont mean to put it that way really its best if u do it like that.

Anyways, Mayra and I didnt get to do our movie night cuz she was stacked with piles of homework, boo for that! So I ended up letting my parents be graced with my presence this weekend. Fun Fun Fun...... One more week of stupid OJT at work then i finally get to go to my desk and never have to see that lady Sandra ever ever ever again. Yay im so happy!. Work is goin good... refferals are goin awesome..... didnt really put in more effort but i got some pocket change for myself. I plan to make like 350 xtra on my next paycheck thats the goal cuz then that will pay for summer school! well part of it i think...

But anyways... hmm I havent talked to my buddies from HS in like forever. Hope ya'll are doin ight and stayin out of trouble. The only ones im close knit with still are Mayra, Ange, and also KC. He still calls me occassionally just to say hi to see how im doin and make sure im still alive, how awesome is that.  Well its offical im goin on a real vacation this summer damnit.... im goin to Atlanta with my momma then when i get my mandatory 2 weeks vacation i plan to go on a cruise or somewhere out of texas. Next year i am definitely goin to Europe its set.... London, Paris, and Rome here i come. I absolutely love Europe, i swear to god ima live there for forever. I also wanna go back to Germany I loved it there when i used to live there.

But yea... i intend to make minor changes to my life... get a f*ing car so people can stop pissing me off like my dad. I then intend to go back to school in the summer and take my pre req's @ Vista to get into nursing at SAC ( i know i know... but they have a damn good program there and my chances of gettin into UTHSC is bettered if i go to SAC). Also shop myself to death and break in my 5 pairs of pointy toed stillettos that i have that i avoid wearing. I wanna look good but not have my feet hurt but its impossible to do that so i guess beauty is pain isnt it LOL.

Hmmmm I also plan to cut off the bitch ass mf's that i have pissed me off within the last few months. One thing i cant stand is when people try to talk bad bout James in order to make me break up with him in order for them to have me (still dont get why its that serious...why would u want me anyway??)and u know got damn well who u are. Its not gonna happen so get over it i didnt want u before and i certainly dont want u now and if u still think im stuck up for that then u can kiss my big black ass and lick my crack cuz i dont give a fuck? ok, get it got it good? I'm glad u understand....

So anyways....yea nothing else is really goin on just tryin to survive work and live my life the way i intend to. Thats all for now.... holla holla

Ugh my parents made me clean the bathroom.... i feel like a slave out in the cotton fields. All the chemicals were circulating and causing heat in the RR. I'm glad i didnt die or anything i was starting to worry.... ugh my skin itches.... the checmicals are seeping into my skin to take over my body and kill me. oh god im talkin crazy.... its the chemicals talkin. Bah.... i should go shopping i got mucho dineros  to spend on me myself and i. My sister is a hoe bag by the way.... her punk ass is hiding in her room to avoid cleaning.... who does that. Thats ok i'll make sure her broke ass cleans something. Because of her i hate black people......

Last night I had din din with Mayra at Chili's (yes kev i know how much u hate it) we were gonna eat at Texas Roadhouse but damn that wait was out of this world. Mayra made me get out of the car in the rain to see how long the wait was and i hada step over someone's puke it was so gross i wanted punch her in the arm for makin me get out lol. So yea we ended up at Chili's which was really nice cuz we talked and just chilled. Man we were craving liqour from the bar for some reason i was suprised cuz Mayra doesnt even drink! Afterwards we stopped by Warren HS to see Carlton and KC cuz they were dying of boredom at the guard comp. So when we got there it was retreat time and i was like fuck i hate this so we watched for like 5 mins and taft sucks and got 8th place!!! hahahahahaha better luck next time girls but good work with the show that i didnt see. It was just the first comp so now u know what to improve on and how to move on up the next time.So Mayra and I had to pee like bad im talkin we were gonna piss on ourselves if we laughed again. So we went to the bathroom then came back to talk to the DM of warren to see if there was another way into the gym to get around the gym but he said no.... busted ass school . So we waited again till retreat was over.... man there was sum fruity lookin dudes there.... well it is winterguard. I felt sorry for the kid at homles that had to wear the body suit with the cape and hat. He looked so ridiculous i hada stare and laugh. So finally it was over and we found Carlton and KC and gave em big hugs and i saw Yvonne and gave her a hug but then she hada go for group talk and i was gonna stay but we wanted to leave cuz we were bored lol so sorry to all the kids that actually saw me and i didnt get to say hi. So we left and so did Carlton and KC as we gave em more big hugs and we were on our way.

 Next I went out with Amanda from work it was so awesome! I met her at the Walmart gas station( Mayra dropped me off then went into Walmart to buy the notebook which was sold out!) to save her the trouble of tryin to find my crack house in a pitch black neighborhood.First we went to Bandera Bowl cuz we were gonna bowl with Sara and Kat but dude there was a tournie goin on so we wouldnt get a lane till like 12am and it was 8pm! So we chilled in the bar ( Sara's cousin offered us drinks but all they had was beer and we said we wanted liqour lol he just looked at us with this look and laughed.... oh god i hope he doesnt think we're alcoholics!)hoping to get a lane but we didnt so me and Amanda got bored and decided to go back to her house so we could go chill at her friend Dette's house. So we go back to her house to go get Baby Ryan, Dale (her fiancee), and Ryan (her bro) and we head over to Dette's house to play games and drink. Amanda's friends Sara and Coby met us there they are such awesome people. So we get there and we start drinkin and we attempted to play SNL trivia pursuit but it was so hard and we gave up so we switched to the pop culture one. Dette is such an awesome lady and kick ass baker. She made this cake that was SOOO DAMN GOOD it was the best ive had. She was also makin penis cookies for a toy party today lol it was the funniest thing ever cuz they were so detailed. Anyways we played pop culture trivia pursuit and chilled with drinks and cake and other sweet stuff to make me morbidly obese. I really enjoyed myself, I had so much fun with Amanda and them. I hope to do it again next week, man when it gets warmer its gonna be on cuz they have a house by the river and they own tubes and they say its so much fun when they go up! You know what that means! So thats all i did yesterday... i watched Legends of the Fall.... damn Brad Pitt is F I N E in that movie! I also called James when we were at the bowling alley, talked to him for like 20 mins. Hope he made it home safely... he went out with his cousin to the track.... blah i hate it when he does that but he didnt race so its all good. And finally when i got home at like 1:30am I got into bed and texted Sara to let her know we got home alright and sorry we left early at the alley, and she calls me and i talk to her and then i talked to Kat who was like piss drunk lol. It was funny, shes a trip i tell ya. SO i talked to her for like 5mins then Sara got back on, turns out they got a lane and bowled and then went to Chachos and was on the way home they drank also. So after i hung up with them I crashed till 10:55ish am then that hoe bag Carlton called me wanting to go to the movies then he hung up on me and said i ruined his day cuz i already saw Constintine in which he wanted to see ( he got all happy cuz hes 17 now and he can see it and i dont have to sneak him in anymore like at texas chainsaw)lol i was like ok whatever calm down, so we might go later if we get more people to go.Hmmmm I'm hungry.... Ima go eat some pizza rolls or somethin..... u know what to do if u wanna talk or leave a comment (always feel free to!). Holla Holla.......

Sometimes I feel like I dont know what I want out of everything in life. I feel like I pretend to be satisfied with the way things are goin and vow to speak up but i never do. I mean I can talk about people to their face but i cant say what i want out of life and how to be satisfied. Like sometimes I wanna cry because i feel like im stuck ina hole that i will never get out of but yet i wanna scream cuz i dont do anything about it. We all have our idea of the perfect relationship and even though we think we may have found it the truth is no relationship is perfect. Every relationship has flaws and mistakes that can be fixed and sometimes cant. Dont get me wrong I care about James a lot but honestly i feel like there's so much more that could progress but yet we dont. I envy some of my friends and other people I admit it. I tend to slack on things that shouldnt be slacked. My friends from work ask me if I wanted to go bowling and hang with them on saturday. I told em I wasnt sure cuz i was hoping I'd go out with James but fuck it ima go out and have fun. But u know what..... sometimes I get tired of waiting I really do and i understand that he has things to do and so do i and sometimes we're just too tired to do anything, it happens to all of us u know. But I pretend that it doesnt bother me and honestly it does (always waiting). It truely does........ i hate it so much it makes me cry. Its my fault really cuz i do nothing about it and i should. I'm starting to think that maybe people were right.... maybe age just isnt a number and that us seeing each other a "few" times a month isnt really a relationship. I know i shouldnt talk like that but its really starting to take its toll on me. Yeah I cant really see myself with anyone else and I'd be devastated if we werent to be together anymore. But theres just something inside me that doubts everything just cuz of how half ass it is. I know I always dwell on stuff like this then the next day say something positive bout it. But I dont really know....... how do i know that i really am loved? How do i know that i really am ur everything? How do i know that u wont ever leave me? How do i know that u'll never make me cry unless its tears of happiness? How do i know that i will never have to question any of that? I just dont know anymore........... Its sad really cuz i shouldnt be questioning these things. But I dont wanna speak up just cuz im stupid..... so i will just continue to be miserable on the inside and smile on the inside.Its not that im treated bad or anything (or unhappy with him) its just that we could settle for much more instead of just half ass in the relationship itself i guess....... oh well.... just another entry to ignore......

So yea..... as i get all teary eyed ima go ahead and call mayra or ange so i vent..... And u know what..... i doubt any of this will be resolved... but if u wanna do the right thing then prove me wrong and make me love u even more for trying.....

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

Um yea.... hope it was awesome or not too depressing for u guys. Dont bother asking bout mine. It was alright but coulda been better.... Mayra and I hung out and did a little adventuring downtown and ended up at Ingram in the foodcourt to have a in depth conversation about "LOVE". Yea it was pretty interesting, what is love anyway. Sometimes I think I know what it is but then again I'm still a baby and dont know what love really is. I dont know.... sometimes I feel like I'm in and out of love. Sometimes I feel like i can achieve so much more by putting in more effort in which i dont. It sucks,..... i feel like the life im living would be 10 times much more exciting and better if i put more motivation into it. I dont know im always wondering if im really a good girlfriend, or a good friend, good sister, good daughter, good coworker or a good everything that im suppose to be. God what if all this time I was doin it half ass and people noticed it and hated me for it..... gasps i am such a bad person :(.

In other news that isnt so depressing.... I'm goin to nursing school in august damnit. Ima do what i wanna do so i wont have to pretend to like what i have to do until then is oh so much fun. So hahahaha kiss my ass to all that think that wont happen......grrrr I'm all mad now. Anyways I was suppose to finish this like an hour ago but KC called and i got caught up talkin to him. Ahhhhh good times with KC its always good to hear for him, to at least know that he still likes to talk to me and make fun of stupid people with me lol. *Sigh* Ima go to bed now......holla holla